Crossroads
Temple Hills, MD

QUICK HITS:

Duckets: $10, for what again?
Attitude Scale: Ugly people over 30 aren't aloud to give attitude...
Dress Code: Hair. Lots and lots of hair
Music: Reggae in one room, Soca in the other -- Now that's variety!
Necessities: A personal hairstylist because these people had some of the most beautiful braids that I've ever seen. Iverson and Dread have nothing on these people
Song that we all knew the words to: Lauryn Hill and Bob Marley's "Turn the lights down low."
Quintessential moment of the night: Dress: Red leather, size 4, Woman: At least a size 16. Watching Nell Carter in thong diss some poor guy was worth more than the price of admission.

"See you at the Crossroads, see you at the Crossroads," is what Bone Thugs and Harmony sang in their 1994 hit. Well Bizzy Bone, let me tell ya. Eminem and Britney Spears will be hooking up before I go to the Crossroads again...

There are so many things wrong with this place, I don't quite know where to begin. First, the location; never front that your club is so hype that people won't want to leave it. Situated in Temple Mills, Maryland, a good hour outside of civilization with running water and electricity, if you go to this place, you're there for the night, and the owners know it. The one positive is that fact that in order to get people to come out, you must give the people what they want - namely cheap drinks and good music (Depending on what your definition of "good" is.)

Crossroads caters exclusively to the Reggae and African crowd, so if you're even remotely into hearing something else, you'd be wise to steer clear of this remote hideaway. The second problem with this place is the clientele. Now granted, I'm no Kobe Bryant (although that's what the people at work call me!) but a good 99% of the people in this place looked like they were drinking Guinness all night, if ya know what I'm sayin.... (They were ugly.) Aside from that, there were too many cradle-robbing-wannabe-rich old men in abundance, which isn't atypical of D.C. (I'm not hating, I hope to be one in the future...)

The layout of the place is actually pretty smooth. It's just so spacious. As soon as you enter, you have a large bar to the left, a huge dance floor to the right, and a huge hallway directly in front which leads to the other half of the club. Centrally located in this space is a large seating area with tables and stools which allow you to survey all of the areas of this first room. The dance floor has two elevated areas located on either side of it with a stage and Big Screen TV directly in front of it. One area has booths and tables for chilling, while the other area has a bar and pool table for hangin' out.

Through the aforementioned hallway you'll find two rooms, one for V.I.P., one with it's own bar, tables and Dance floor. The hallway branching the two parts of the club was cool in itself. Because of the "black light" the wall glowed so it looked like you were walking in a music video (I insisted on strutting in slow motion through this area -- even more than normal...)

All in all, a pretty cool club. But it could've been the Taj Mahal and that shit still wouldn't have made the girls any thinner or the men any younger or less-bald. The clientele makes the club, ya know the rules...

I'm out like working in the summer time...