DISCLAIMER: The events described in this article occurred only in the twisted imagination of the author.

Puff: Niggas and b!tches. Would you please all come to order for this meeting of the PMC?

Trick Daddy: SHUT UP!

Puff: Ummm... yeah, thanks. Anyway, it is with a heavy heart that I bring these proceedings to order with a bit of sad business. We must elect a new spokeperson, as my darling.... eh erm, our previous speaker, Ma$e, had to leave us to pursue a higher calling.

Jermaine Dupri: Yeah right, he probably just figured out that it would be even easier to get little boys in church than at a rap concert. See what you did with that damned "Sky's The Limit" video?

Trick Daddy: Uh huh!!

Puff: ANYWAY, all vicious rumours aside, we need a new spokesperson.

Juvenile: How about me, ha? I'd make a good spokesperson, U Understand? People love to hear me talk woadie!

Puff: I think we have a new spokesperson! You definitely have the repetitiveness to numb the minds of our fans even more, making it that much easier to insert our subliminal messages.

Trick Daddy: OK!

Lil' Kim: Huh? What subliminal messages.

Trick Daddy: Whasup?

Juvenile: Check it out mama! Mannie Fresh remix. Baby, play that tape.

Baby Williams: O... K... my... man... one... sec... ond... there.

Mannie Fresh: *inept mouth scratching noises* Put the tape on!

Jermaine Dupri: Man, you'd really think you guys could afford a turntable or two, but I guess you spent everything on ice, expensive cars, and bills to throw around in your videos, eh? Guess you haven't made as much money as me yet. Which of course means that you're not as good as me.

Trick Daddy: SHUT UP!

Trina: OK, now this is the pre-subliminal version. OK, We will all be mixing these tracks onto our albums, but you won't be able to hear them without special equipment. OK, here it comes.

Tape playing: This is a private service message from the PMC - Pop Motherfu!kers Coalition. We know this album that you are listening to sucks, and that there is much better music out there. We see you bobbing your head to the catchy beat and repetitive hook though, so you know you love it. You cannot return this album because you love it so much. If you don't love this album, you're a hater. You don't want to be a hater do you? You don't really want to buy that other album, 'cause it hasn't gone platinum. If everybody's not buying it, it has nothing to do with the way it's marketed. It must be shitty. Accept the crap, 'cause crap is where its at. This is a private service...

Tirck Daddy: Uh Huh!

Trina: OK, you see the power of this tape now. OK, anyone who listens to any of these albums will have this message drilled into their subconcious for the entire time without even knowing it.

Puff: Thass right!

Trick Daddy: OK!

DMX: See, we tell the people WHAT THEY REALLY WANT!!! Arf! Arf!

Swizz Beats: And if I leave right now, I can have an entire album of beats ready for you in about 3 hours. I just have to stop by Radio Shack and pick up a couple more of their cheap keyboards to sample.

Juvenile: Sh!t, we release a new album every two weeks, U Understand? As a matter of fact, I think we're about due for another Hot Boyz album tomorrow, U Understand? Time to hit the studio, ha!

Trick Daddy: Whasup?

Puff: So you see, we can have this message on the street very quickly.

Foxxy Brown: But isn't having a message in our songs go against everything we stand for?

Trick Daddy: SHUT UP!

Sisquo: Yeah, b!tch. We just wanna see that thong!

Jay-Z: *slaps Foxxy* B!tch! I thought I told you never to say anything unless I wrote it out for you first. No one cares what you have to say.

Mya: That wasn't very...

Jay-Z *slaps Mya* You shut up too! The best part of you is DEFINITELY neither your brain nor your mouth.

Jermaine Dupri: I still don't understand why, after all this time, b!tches still haven't realized that we don't care one bit about them or their opinions.

Juvenile: Can we get back to the matter at hand, ha? We've got a plan in place to get our secret subliminal code out, ha. So what else?

Puff: Well, as usual, right about now we're going to go through our Most Wanted List. If you see any of these heads, shoot on sight. They are the ones trying to take hip-hop towards consciousness. *collective gasps shake the room*

Ice Cube: Stay on the look out for the Jurassic 5, who are having way too much fun with simple hip-hop.

DMX: Watch out for Talib Kweli. He and his partner are supposed to be releasing an album soon.

Trina: OK, watch out for these Florida cats called dead prez too. OK, they're talking about power to the people or some bullsh!t like that.

Mack 10: Oh yeah, and don't forget about the Dilated Peoples. They just released a brilliant album. We have to make sure too many people don't hear about it. They're even including various elements.

Black Rob: Whoa! Speaking of diversity, what about Common's last album! That should earn him a spot on the Most Wanted List for sure. That didn't follow our formula at all!

WC: And the most shocking news of all is this new group called the Spooks. They all refuse to claim a city or coast, saying it's all about the music. Have you ever heard anything so ridiculous?

Lil' Cease: I hear they even have cath from north of the border doin sh!t! They've got headth like Mathematik, Dan-E-O and Monolith, Kardinal, plus hordeth of lether knowns.

DMX: And remember, above all, support any attempts to kill Napster and other MP3 software. After all, if artists can make a name for themselves without record labels, we're ALL out of jobs.

Juvenile: Well, ha, I guess that concludes this meeting, ha. Do your bit to spread the message, U Understand?